A Different Form of Bullying
Today I want to write a quick post about a very popular topic...BULLYING!
I think we need to clear a few things up about the topic of bullying first. It does not just happen between teenage girls, or bigger boys picking on smaller ones, it isn't just mean and ugly texts sent from one kid to another (those things are horrible!)but...NO...bullying comes in many different sizes, shapes, ages, genders, races, and situations.
In my opinion...
A boy chasing after another kid who is much smaller and younger than him because he couldn't figure out how to resolve an accidental situation with words, and puts the smaller child in danger, is Bullying!
A girl taking advantage of another girl because she knows how much she admires her...and makes her chose another friendship over what she wants for herself...and then makes that other girl feel bad when she did absolutely nothing...IS Bullying! To cut down another person through manipulation and selfishness is, in my opinion, Bullying!
When a child lies about a serious situation to get another child in trouble...and it is a child that has only been nice to them...that is Bullying and flat out selfishness and problems with low self-esteem.
When a child "extorts" money from a younger child, making the younger child feel they will be included if they give them some money...that is Bullying!
It is not always horrible words and lies spread between kids via text messages or one child constantly picking on another child until they reach their breaking point...Bullying can be more than even that!...If that is not enough already!
I think it starts with the parents/guardians. Now, they cannot be there to control all of the actions of their children, but they can keep a close eye and they do have the right to discipline their child and lay down consequences. But do they?
Our children need us to be parents first. As hard as it is, and mind you I learn new things every day, but parents cannot be passive or turn away from difficult situations and tough conversations with their children. Our actions, as parents, are what our kids see, and they learn how to resolve issues by watching us. What we, as parents, tell them also provides the make-up of our children. They did not come into this world knowing what to do and say...they look to us and other adults to learn those things. So, what are we as parents and adults teaching them?
I mean, every kid lies from time to time, every kid acts up and has to apologize, and every kid has said something to another child that they wish they could take back...but, as parents/guardians/adults, do we send our kids out into the world treating others the way they want to be treated, or knowing that there are consequences to every action...??? Do they know not to bully others and to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves?
It is, once again, scary out there and I am honestly scared for our children. I mean, all we can do is try to provide our kids with the tools they need to get through life...and just keep learning from the mistakes that we make. However, time after time I see parents and adults that do not provide consequences for their kids' bad choices. Because of that, their children do not really think what they did was wrong, and they don't learn the right way to handle the situation in the future. So, they continue to make the wrong choices, hurting others, getting in trouble, and never understanding that what they are doing is wrong.
Kids these days just have so much access to information that we never had, which includes information from people we don't want them to get information from. Or, if a child is neglected at home or has low self-esteem, then they may have the tendency to act out negatively on others...simply because they have low self-esteem, maybe don't get the support they need at home, and or have no boundaries or ability to handle difficult situations. So, they struggle to find their way. It is very sad to see.
In my opinion, it is as easy or as hard as you make it. We all grow up very differently, but if we ask ourselves "how would I want to be treated in this situation" (and hopefully you want positive and non-violent results for yourself and your child) ...and then act according to how you would want to be treated, then my hope is that the situation would be resolved positively and everyone would learn something that could really help them in life.
Again, we all know that we unfortunately do not live in a "rainbows and unicorns" world, but Bullying is very serious and it seems to get worse every year. So, if you are not already, try to talk with your kids and get inside their heads...try to have open communication even though we all know it is very hard...especially with tweeners and teenagers. Find out how they are treating other kids and talk to the other parents and adults that are involved with them. Do not sit on the sidelines and wait for things to happen. Don't ever assume that your child never lies, and in difficult situations, between multiple children, look at all sides before assuming anything...then...if your child was in the wrong discipline them! AND hold them accountable for their actions. Peace.
I think we need to clear a few things up about the topic of bullying first. It does not just happen between teenage girls, or bigger boys picking on smaller ones, it isn't just mean and ugly texts sent from one kid to another (those things are horrible!)but...NO...bullying comes in many different sizes, shapes, ages, genders, races, and situations.
In my opinion...
A boy chasing after another kid who is much smaller and younger than him because he couldn't figure out how to resolve an accidental situation with words, and puts the smaller child in danger, is Bullying!
A girl taking advantage of another girl because she knows how much she admires her...and makes her chose another friendship over what she wants for herself...and then makes that other girl feel bad when she did absolutely nothing...IS Bullying! To cut down another person through manipulation and selfishness is, in my opinion, Bullying!
When a child lies about a serious situation to get another child in trouble...and it is a child that has only been nice to them...that is Bullying and flat out selfishness and problems with low self-esteem.
When a child "extorts" money from a younger child, making the younger child feel they will be included if they give them some money...that is Bullying!
It is not always horrible words and lies spread between kids via text messages or one child constantly picking on another child until they reach their breaking point...Bullying can be more than even that!...If that is not enough already!
I think it starts with the parents/guardians. Now, they cannot be there to control all of the actions of their children, but they can keep a close eye and they do have the right to discipline their child and lay down consequences. But do they?
Our children need us to be parents first. As hard as it is, and mind you I learn new things every day, but parents cannot be passive or turn away from difficult situations and tough conversations with their children. Our actions, as parents, are what our kids see, and they learn how to resolve issues by watching us. What we, as parents, tell them also provides the make-up of our children. They did not come into this world knowing what to do and say...they look to us and other adults to learn those things. So, what are we as parents and adults teaching them?
I mean, every kid lies from time to time, every kid acts up and has to apologize, and every kid has said something to another child that they wish they could take back...but, as parents/guardians/adults, do we send our kids out into the world treating others the way they want to be treated, or knowing that there are consequences to every action...??? Do they know not to bully others and to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves?
It is, once again, scary out there and I am honestly scared for our children. I mean, all we can do is try to provide our kids with the tools they need to get through life...and just keep learning from the mistakes that we make. However, time after time I see parents and adults that do not provide consequences for their kids' bad choices. Because of that, their children do not really think what they did was wrong, and they don't learn the right way to handle the situation in the future. So, they continue to make the wrong choices, hurting others, getting in trouble, and never understanding that what they are doing is wrong.
Kids these days just have so much access to information that we never had, which includes information from people we don't want them to get information from. Or, if a child is neglected at home or has low self-esteem, then they may have the tendency to act out negatively on others...simply because they have low self-esteem, maybe don't get the support they need at home, and or have no boundaries or ability to handle difficult situations. So, they struggle to find their way. It is very sad to see.
In my opinion, it is as easy or as hard as you make it. We all grow up very differently, but if we ask ourselves "how would I want to be treated in this situation" (and hopefully you want positive and non-violent results for yourself and your child) ...and then act according to how you would want to be treated, then my hope is that the situation would be resolved positively and everyone would learn something that could really help them in life.
Again, we all know that we unfortunately do not live in a "rainbows and unicorns" world, but Bullying is very serious and it seems to get worse every year. So, if you are not already, try to talk with your kids and get inside their heads...try to have open communication even though we all know it is very hard...especially with tweeners and teenagers. Find out how they are treating other kids and talk to the other parents and adults that are involved with them. Do not sit on the sidelines and wait for things to happen. Don't ever assume that your child never lies, and in difficult situations, between multiple children, look at all sides before assuming anything...then...if your child was in the wrong discipline them! AND hold them accountable for their actions. Peace.
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